BDSM relationships come in many shapes and sizes, and there are as many different types and styles of D/s relationship as there are species of butterfly. Perhaps the one that is the most controversial from an outsiders point of view is that of the Daddy and his girl. For the uninitiated, this type of relationship is, at best, a manifestation of the Electra complex, and, at worst, an exploration of abuse, incest and/or paedophilia. This is a huge misunderstanding. Like all D/s relationships, those between Daddies and their girls are based on mutual respect, trust, equality, love and adoration, and, when done correctly, can create some of the most beautiful relationship dynamics I have ever come across.
I recently came across this blogpost by WizarDavid and Sunny Megatron, which, for me, perfectly describes the qualities of a good Daddy. To summarise; Daddies are caregivers. They are their girls’ number one fans, ultimate confidants, protectors, teachers, guides, anchors and disciplinarians. They can be monogamous or poly, sexual, sadistic, both or neither, but they always have a bottomless supply of love for their girls. I am very lucky to have a wonderful Daddy who embodies all of these fundamental characteristics. Here, I am going to try to explain exactly what it is that makes him my Daddy, and how it feels to be a Daddy’s girl.
Careful observers will note that I have deliberately not referred to myself as a “little”. “Littles” are people who enjoy ageplay and engaging with their inner child, often expressing this through activities like playing dress up, colouring in, making dens and having water fights. Some littles have a set age, while others are more fluid. Whilst I do occasionally enjoy ageplay in the right setting, this is not the primary mode in which I engage with Daddy. For me, being Daddy’s girl is linked more with emotional honesty and vulnerability than strictly with being little. This does sometimes manifest itself as being tucked into bed wearing a nappy and clutching my teddy bear – but, more often than not, it is far more subtle. Just as WizarDavid outlines seven fundamental characteristics of being a Daddy in his blogpost, I think that there are seven fundamental responses that characterise a Daddy’s girl.
- We have complete faith in ourselves and in our Daddies. Because our Daddies believe in us so strongly, we know deep down that we can be our best. Although we struggle with self-confidence sometimes, we see our Daddies unwavering confidence in our abilities and know that, if we take things one step at a time and don’t let the tough times overshadow everything, we can do everything that we want to do and more. We know that, as long as we try our best, our Daddies will be proud of us. This gives us a drive that, in the right circumstances, is formidable.
- We have no shame in front of our Daddies. There is nothing that I do in private that I would not be comfortable doing in front of Daddy, or having him do for me. Even the most disgusting things, like picking my nose, eating my bogies and wiping my bum. Daddy has seen me do all of these things, and done them for me – and much more. And he loves me anyway. This gives me a huge sense of freedom to just be me. My chin can be hairy, I can have the worst PMT in the world and I can be throwing chairs in anger, and Daddy will still love me. This translates into an emotional honesty too. Girls know that they can tell their Daddies anything, and their Daddies will listen and advise without passing judgement.
- We know that we are always safe, and, as a result, we will stand up for our Daddies against anything and everything. Daddy protects me, and, in response, no-one will ever say a bad word about Daddy without hearing from me. Even if I know he is wrong. But Daddies are never wrong.
- We love to learn. Daddies love to provide their girls with new experiences, and we lap them up eagerly. Daddy likes to refer to this as, “falling further down the rabbit hole.” Daddy likes to share all of his favourite things with me, from tasty foods to new sexual experiences to new methods of self-care. Daddy has not yet introduced me to something that I haven’t enjoyed, and this makes me even more open to trying new experiences with him. I trust him to keep me safe, whilst exposing me to new things that I will enjoy. I am far more likely to push my boundaries and try something new under Daddy’s supervision. Sometimes these new things are just for fun, and sometimes they help to make me a better, more well-rounded and healthier individual.
- We turn to our Daddies for advice and counsel. Our Daddies know us better than anyone, and we know that they will never judge us. No problem is too small or silly, no hour of the morning to early. Daddy will always listen.
- We always come back to Daddy. Whatever else is going on in our lives, however distracted we get by new, shiny, exciting things, we know that Daddy is always there and always has our backs. We can be very needy as a result of this. When things get tough, we need to cling to our Daddies. Daddy often refers to me as his “barnacle”, because I have a tendency to hold on tight and not let go when I need support. But I know that Daddy is always there to hold onto. My neediness is not a quality of which I am proud, and Daddy has the patience of a saint. But he knows that, wherever I am and whatever I am doing, I am his girl.
- We accept discipline, and learn from it. Daddies use discipline sparingly, but, when they do, they really make their point. In practice, this means that Daddies often don’t need to use harsh methods. For me, just a stern word or a look from Daddy can be enough. We hate disappointing our Daddies, but we also know that they have our best interests at heart, and we are very willing to learn from our mistakes. Daddies are very forgiving, and we know that, as long as we can demonstrate that we have learned our lesson, everything will be okay. We trust our Daddies to know what is best.
If there is one word that I think summaries being a Daddy’s girl, it is “liberty.” Being Daddy’s girl gives me the freedom to be myself, without fear of judgement, betrayal or abandonment. All of my quirks and foibles are accepted and cherished, and I am free to be and to do whatever I like with my life. If that isn’t a sign of a healthy, loving relationship, then I don’t know what is.